You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
