i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
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