and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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