Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
