So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize
