Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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