I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
