if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
