Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Randomize
