There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
