and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
