I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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