his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
PS: I just woke up from my shower
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
