why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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