i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
how drunk are you?
Several
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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