dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Randomize
