i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Randomize