the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
The Olympian is in my bed
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
