I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
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