she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
