Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
you traded sex for a burrito?
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
