So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
