Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
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