I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
She told me I should be a condom model.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Is Oprah even human
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Randomize
