I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
FUCK WHALES
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
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