I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
