And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Randomize
