my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Randomize
