What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
