He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
