If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
