Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Randomize
