I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
