She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
