shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Randomize
