my vag is so smooth its legendary
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
