I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Randomize
