didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Two words: blizzard sex
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
