just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
