Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
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