I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
We need a shit load of segways right now
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
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