They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
