Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
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