she was so not down for the gang bang
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Randomize
