Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
how does that bad decision feel?
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
