needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
