Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
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