somebody snuck up and got me drunk
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
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