The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
