I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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