I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
