y did u give ur computer a hand job?
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I think I am morally bankrupt
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
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