I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Randomize
