I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
