My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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