She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
