Just mADE A PArabola og urine
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
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I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
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Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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