I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
We need a shit load of segways right now
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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