Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
