Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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