My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
