It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
