I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
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