i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
