New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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