Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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