my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Randomize
