you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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