I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
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