Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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