I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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