I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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