i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Do you remember whose house we're in?
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
