Banned from zoo.
Again?
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
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