I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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