I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
