i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Randomize
