RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Randomize
