I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize
