he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
