Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
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