the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
