This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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