You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
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